Message Mishap of the Day

This one was sent to a friend that we haven't featured yet. She does, however, possess a veritable treasure trove of stellar OkStupid fodder that she's received over the years. Case in point:

"Do you like tall italian men with large cocks? I only ask because i'm 6ft3 and I own an over-sized chicken farm outside of Rome."

- Male, age unknown

Her reply: "I like my men like I like my pizza: hot and cheesy."

Message Mishap of the Day

"hey, I am leaving the area in October and am looking to have some fun until i leave. Just looking for a friends with benefits. If you are interested let me know. "


                                            -Male, 27

How Not to Start a Conversation

if you are actually 28 then i really need to borrow your exfoliant

you look like you could still be at state college

oh and joe pa could use your exfoliant too

the guy is a legend

but he looks 900 years old

stonehenge looks younger

Message Mishap of the Day

This gem was received by a cousin of the friend who received the unfortunate cheese fetish message a few days back. Plus 1 for creativity. Minus infinity for not including a "No" checkbox.

"Listen, I'm just going to put this out there…I want to rob a bank with you, in a 1963 Aston Martin DB5, than count the money by the light of a burning oil refinery, then give that money to charity and move to the Virgin Islands. Also, do you want to dance with me? Check the box Yes"

- Male, 28

TITtilating Tip of the Day

When it comes to choosing a screen name, relatability is key.  You want her to think you're cool, like you have hobbies that aren't limited to trolling dating sites all day...some that you may even share!  (BONUS!)

You know what you don't want her to think?   That you're trolling dating sites all day.

Adding 4U to the end of anything is sort of like vagina kryptonite.  Not in a good way.  It's something a pedophile would say.  "Hi!  Candy4U here!  ASL?"  I know, I get it...sometimes they offer you a screen name when the way-awesome one you were going to use was already taken.  But they offer several suggestions.  Yes, ___Taco is one of them.  But I would be much more likely to respond to a TacoPeter49maybeI'maserialkiller? than a Hotguywithgiantpeniswhohasadegreefromharvard4U.  It's just logic.

So when you're prompted to create the name that MAY MEAN THE REST OF YOUR LIFE, remember:

NO creep 4U.

STOP IT DAD!

"Well, Your profile says you're looking for a fella as old as 34, so since I have dyslexia, forgive me."

Your dyslexia does not mean I am chuckling nor warming up to the idea of dating someone 30% older than me. Thanks.

Message Mishap of the Day

This one was received one of our dear friends. We...have no words.

"I was wondering if you could take a minute to read and respond to my message.Well it's more of a purposal, you see I am looking for an open minded girl who is interested in fetishes and making some extra money. Now no way am I implying that you do anything, just hear me out. I call my fetish my Swiss cheese fetish, because it involves using Swiss cheese to give me sexual pleasure. How this is done is that I have a girl wrap slices of Swiss cheese, that I provide around my penis, then stroke me with the cheese. I realize this must sound weird, and I am sure you never heard of it, but it's a type of food play fetish. some people use chocolate, some use whip cream, I prefer cheese. But no eating is involved with my fetish, and you don’t have to be naked either. It only takes about 20 minutes to preform. Now I realize I am the only one being pleasured by my fetish, so in return I would be willing to compensate you in the sum of $150 for your help. Please let me know what you think of my fetish and if you would be interested in doing it for me. Thank you for you time."

- Male, 30

Quick to Friend

Online dating, it’s still a bit of a faux pas, but if you aren’t doing it then you know someone who is. By now I’m sure you’ve figured out that you’ve stumbled upon a blog of twenty-somethings figuring out their life in this busy city while adding in a bit of fun, and not to mention a few blind dates along the way.

Honestly, one of the best reasons for online dating is just a way to get to know people when you move to a new city – or at least that was my excuse when I found myself relocating to DC last fall. I needed to get out of the house and meet some men, so why not give online dating a whirl? Now with my main objective being to get a friend, not a male suitor, I too am quick to put a man in the friend category, you know, go on a few dates, have a romp or two, and then have the dreaded conversation “let’s just be friends”. Which, usually goes really well … or in some cases … I just stop texting back … I know, very naughty of me!

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, being Quick to Friend! I recently struck up a email conversation with a nice young chap in the online dating world, which shortly progressed to texting. All the while wondering “ok … all this texting is cool … but I wouldn’t mind getting a free cocktail out of this” (did I say free, I mean go Dutch … ya … split that bill …). Recently, he sent me a text about his dating profile, saying he was getting some special upgrade, but that he didn’t care he’d already met a great girl that he went on a date with yesterday, and then went into detail about their little romp in the sack. Now, by no means am I a girl who is all about being exclusive after the first date, but I don’t need details of your personal life. By the end of the texting conversation I had been told over text, you’re cool and I really like texting you but I was thinking we’d just be friends, and then a few minutes later told, I have tickets to tonight’s Nats game, want to come with? Are you really trolling dating websites to instantly put girls into the friend’s category and then later invite them out to ‘throw back a few beers’?

To all the men out there … we think this is just as much as a joke as you do, and rarely do any of us really see anything progressing out of it … but step it up at least hang out with someone once before you put them in the friend category.

OkStupid?

Message Mishap of the Day

And here is where we'll post direct, though anonymous, quotes from our potential suitors...






"Wow baby you are fine!! Hi, 34 yo hot, resectful fun man looking for like minded friends. I hope to here from you."


                                                                 -Male, 34

Mission Statement

While I usually don't condone the brutal mocking of others for enjoyment, I think that if and when you put yourself out there on a dating site you sort of open yourself up to a bit of criticism.  I mean, really guys.   If this is your "best foot forward" I am not the least bit surprised you haven't met anyone who can tolerate your presence for longer than an hour.


But we all make mistakes, and we should all learn from them.  You know, like, "Maybe I should have used spellcheck" or "Maybe I shouldn't have emailed that girl 20 years my junior" or "Maybe this isn't the best place to look for local women when cheating on your spouse."


The messages I've received are usually idiotic, frequently misspelled, often perverse, but always extremely hilarious.  But, as with many things, the errors of a few fools can become the entertainment of many.  Such is my hope with this endeavor.


This blog seeks to edify anyone in the dating market on exactly what NOT to do and say, and chronicle the misadventures of a few single ladies (and maybe a dude) in the messy haze of the WWW.


OkStupid?